I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means you move on and treasure the memories. Letting go doesn't mean giving up, it means accepting that some things weren't meant to be.

Continuing from yesterday's post, I suppose. I guess I should've seen this coming since my parents are still suspicious of me from yesterday. Dad cleaned my room today and him and mom started yelling at me because of junk food/nail polish.

Mom and I had the usual argument- 'why don't you tell me anything', 'what problems could you possibly be having when we provide you with food and a house to live in', 'if you have problems now, what are you going to do when you're older and have REAL problems?'

See, ma, this is exactly why I don't tell you anything. You're so quick to dismiss my problems as...well, non-problematic simply because you think I should have no worries. I told her that money has been a huge issue, and she says I shouldn't worry about it because she's paying for school. I argued that that was PRECISELY what I no longer wanted- she thinks I'm a burden and so I no longer want to be a burden. I'd rather pay for tuition myself. Then she got mad again and said that wasn't the point.

Going back to them never being proud of me- I stated as much, and she sharply exclaimed, "well, have you done anything deserving of my pride?"

Well. That was that. I'm sorry I can't measure up to my friends. I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.

She then said..."if you're so unhappy, maybe you should move out."

In the end, we made up, but these statements are going to marinate in my head for a while. I can't say I'm not hurt. This is real tough love.

i wish i could blossom and grow

but

i feel like i'm wilting